I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
