Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
