Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
