Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize
