plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize
