you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
