the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
