Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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