My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Randomize
