I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
