Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
