dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
