someone owes me an orgasm
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
