Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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