bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
