Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
