Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I want you more than these girls want KFC
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
