He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
