I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
