And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
