The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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