i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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