My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
