I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
He? As in you personified your dick?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
