Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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