You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
he fucked my hip out of place.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
