U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
