thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
