I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Randomize
