We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
