so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
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