woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
