if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Randomize
