I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
