Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
