I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
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It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
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I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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