Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
so let's talk penis.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
