There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
