I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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