I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
