never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
