What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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