He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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