Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
