so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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