help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
