I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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