i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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