i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
