Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Randomize
