It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
