it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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