Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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