I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
