yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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