Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
