Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
