I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
