At least make sure they are 18
Why
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
