what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
