I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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