we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
