well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
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that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
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Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
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