it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Randomize
