Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
