At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
