i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
