the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
