I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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