Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
