if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
You are the jesus of drinking
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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