So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
