Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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