Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
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