He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
